processing pain in kink scenes

Processing pain is different for every bottom. There is no magic trick to help you endure.

Some of us have breathing techniques, some have learned to process pain as near-orgasmic pleasure, some let endorphins take them to a floaty place... What the key really is to pain processing is a combination of trial & error and listening to our bodies. How I process pain may not let me endure the same masochism as others, but it lets me enjoy the masochism that works for me.

But I know that something immensely helpful to me as a masochist bottom has been chatting with other bottoms (and some very helpful tops!) about ways to process and move through my consensually chosen pain. So here are some ways I've processed, endured, and aftercare-d (can we make it a verb?) pain in kink scenes. Scroll down for all the details.

Special shout outs are due to Syenite for always calling out my absurdly unhelpful breathing habits, and Marika (Gorgone) & Shibari Study for the deeply useful advice on body awareness in rope bottoming.

Let's hear from you all in the comments! What are techniques you use to process consensual pain during kink play? Bottom community unite!

PROCESSING

• awareness

  • practice body mindfulness, be aware of where the pain is & how you're mind is registering it -- stinging slaps? deep muscle ache? what is the sensation?

• trust yourself

  • does your mind want to focus in on the sensation or drift into an almost out-of-body floating? follow the lyrics in the background music or giggle & wiggle? your instinct is most likely the processing that works best for you

• emotion

  • let feelings ebb & flow, (if you've negotiated how to handle it) let your emotions out

  • cry, sigh, groan, moan, laugh, squeal, shout, curse, growl, whimper, silence -- express yourself

  • (though maybe use a pillow if there are roommates)

ENDURING

• breathe

  • breathwork helps our body better deal with pain -- just think about labor breathing techniques!

  • try different styles to find what works best for you -- long slow breaths, trying to keep your breath regularly paced, or breathing with impact rhythms

• focus

  • focus your mind on the sensation where it is, then move your awareness through your body & visualize pulling the pain with you, like water flowing

• shift

  • especially with play such as rope bondage, subtle shifts in body weight can change pain dramatically

  • try shifting how you're holding your body, notice if you're tensing anywhere, or shift your limbs (just make sure to communicate with your top!)

AFTERCARE

• physical care first

  • lots of crying? tissues + water ; welts or scrapes? ointment & bandaids ; blankets & snacks are also good for general endorphin come-down

• processing together

  • how do you both emotionally feel? how was that scene for you? how does your body feel?

  • feeling grateful/proud? thank your body or your bottom for this gift! aren't our bodies amazing?

• continued aftercare

  • after the initial aftercare, check if something like a massage or hot bath would feel good for the bottom

  • more intense scene? check in with your bottom about pain levels the next few days

[📷 of the very talented Anya Demure tying the ever-lovely Miel , taken by Kanan)