peaks & valleys

[Image Description: a dark grey "Reminder" pop up over a background of bright pink peonies at night, it says "Reminder: There will be peaks & valleys to your kink."]

This is a reminder I often need, and I bet you do too.

When we first get into kink it might be so exciting that we crave it and pursue it often. We go to workshops, connect with community, want to practice all the time, schedule frequent play dates. We constantly want to engage.

But then life happens. We get pulled away to other responsibilities, the world weighs on us, we have an experience that makes us feel disheartened, our mental health takes a dip, an old injury acts up, or maybe we just feel tired right now. Whatever it is, our desire to kink ebbs.

And that's okay.

Listen, I get that it can feel not okay, which is okay too. During this pandemic, despite launching this education business, I haven't been kink-ing very much at all. Which feels very vulnerable to share! We aren't going out much, so wouldn't that leave more time for scenes and exploration? I felt guilty about it for a while. But then I realized there are peaks and valleys, our kink ebbs and flows. This is the reality of being a human that does kink. (Not just some hot kinky robot lol). While I can miss kink scenes and still desire them, I can also feel not in the mood or just tired or be having a bad week. And that does not lessen me as a kinkster.

Yes, scenes might not happen very often, but sometimes my partner and I will both send a text to each other saying "hey, I miss this connection, want to schedule some time next weekend to play?" And that feels good. It feels like we listened to our bodies and minds and waited until we felt called to play again. It feels intentional. Yes, the impact may slow or the rope not get practiced, but maybe our dynamic has been a calming, steadfast presence throughout the valley. Maybe our connection to kink hasn't disappeared, but is just showing up in different ways right now.

So this is my reminder to you, and to myself. There will be peaks and valleys to our kink play. Sometimes the desire will be at the forefront, and sometimes it will be a note for later. Both are valid. Neither changes your validity or worth as a kinkster. 🖤

(as a side note if you've stayed with me to now: I've missed you all! I've shifted to less frequent posts as I balance a new launch that's coming. I'm so excited to share it with you all and hope to make the big announcement in the coming weeks! So stay tuned, keep following, and thank you forever for the support!)