This can be a hard time of year for those of us who love & live kinky. This holiday season in particular may be a blessing or a curse, depending on your relationship to family. All of that together has got me thinking a lot about community.

Ooohhdamn do I love this quote by @theprincesskali . Remember my post on D/s Myths a few days ago? Enter in this quote as a big reminder about not making assumptions.

Princess Kali said this in an amazing class of hers that I took on erotic humiliation. She was talking about the very important point that you can't assume everyone will make the same meaning out of the same behavior. If you don't find being a puppy humiliating, being told to wag your tail and bark won't make you feel humiliated.

So we've talked about D/s basics and busted some myths, but what does consensual power exchange look like when it goes beyond the scene? Let’s actually get into the logistics of a “lifestyle” D/s relationship, plus some ideas to stay connected to your dynamic on a more daily level.

Sometimes kink is therapeutic not because I cry or experience catharsis or work everything out, but because a small scene points out something about myself that’s hard and that I need to work on.

Let's bust some myths today! There's definitely some bad assumptions and misunderstandings out there about D/s relationships (dominance & submission, or consensual power exchange dynamics).

There's a lot of other folks exploring kink, and it can be really easy to fall into a spiral of comparisons.

Power Exchange, Consensual Power Dynamics, D/s, or Dominance & Submission, is play where individuals occupy roles that involve exchanging power.

Anne Carson, in "Decreation: How Women Like Sappho, Marguerite Porete, & Simone Weil Tell God", writes of a poem by Sappho, unfinished in its archived form. In it Sappho muses on love, lovers, ecstasy…

It's true that the endorphin rush from kink can be amazing. The space-y, floating place I find on the other side of bottoming & submission is a gift. But I've also found over the years that there is a different sort of magical place in the processing itself.

Let's have some real talk for a moment, y'all. Life was hectic even before the exhaustion of 2020. We have jobs, family, friends, chores around the house, hobbies, the 10 video games I haven't finished yet (just me?), keeping up with the news, random stress & chaos that decides to happen, depression bouts, periods, and a million other things. How on earth can we make time for a play date?

You didn't think I was done at just one playlist did you? I've got music to set all sorts of moods. 😘

Aftercare often deserves its own musical transition to help your mind & body transition from scene → regular life.

I really want all of you to keep this idea close at all times, particularly if you're new to kink. Your play deserves effort. You deserve effort. Your partner deserves effort.