learning & reflection
“I think you should learn, of course, and some days you must learn a great deal. But you should also have days when you allow what is already in you to swell up inside of you until it touches everything. And you can feel it inside of you. If you never take time out to let that happen, then you accumulate facts, and they begin to rattle around inside of you. You can make noise with them, but never really feel anything with them. It’s hollow.”
When we talk about education we often forget to mention the phase of learning where you integrate. I love this description of that integration — letting the knowledge swell inside of you, because if you just learn learn learn it becomes hollow. This is especially critical, I believe, with sexuality education.
Learning about kink & sex needs to include facts, basic information, techniques, & safety. It's detailed knowledge, often. But at the end of the day this is also somatic knowledge — it resides in our bodies, ultimately. And so it becomes more important than ever to take the time to truly feel what you are learning. Whether that's giving yourself time for self-pleasure, or to practice the techniques you're learning about, or to just reflect on what you've learned, seeking to understand your desires & feelings. The important thing is that you set time aside to feel what you've been learning inside of you, in your bones & muscles. To let the knowledge be more than just facts rattling in your brain. Where are they in your body?
The winter is such a great time for quiet reflection & looking inward. So let's feel our learning swell inside of us, together.
Looking for some guidance on learning reflection? Here’s some tips & questions to reflect/write on:
spend time in self-pleasure
fantasize about your desires
imagine scenes in your head
find porn that aligns with your fantasies
take note of how fantasizing feels in your body
do you want to do these things in reality?
just fantasize about them?
what types of intentions would you set to align with these feelings?
practice techniques
see how a new toy feels on yourself
practice rope tying on chairs or your legs
have practice sessions with a partner where you focus on communicating about technique instead of just losing yourself in a scene
what do you notice while practicing?
do you need to learn more about anything?
do you feel confident in what you’ve learned so far?
should you schedule in more practice time?
what do you want to focus on in future play?
set aside time for self-reflection (can be via journaling, talking with a friend, or just thinking)
what have you learned & how do you feel about the concepts?
how do you feel about your desires? is anything coming up for you around them?
are you nervous about implementing what you’ve learned? excited? unpack these.
have you had new fantasies since beginning your education journey? how do you feel about those?
what’s your connection to kink like now? has it evolved as you’ve learned?
I hope these prompts encourage you to take the time to integrate your learning, emotionally & somatically! I myself will be doing the same soon, most likely with a warm mug of tea and a cozy blanket. 😊
(Did any of y'all read this book growing up? I remember really loving it and wanting to go live in the Met myself haha)
